Joe Sensitive
'After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?'
Also known as
Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup
Advantages
Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages
Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

Old Man Grumpus
'People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV.'
Also known as
Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk
Advantages
Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages
Royal pain in the ass

Flinchy
'I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did.'
Also known as
Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages
Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages
Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

Bigfoot
'Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'.'
Also known as
Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb
Advantages
Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages
Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

Lazybones
'Zzzzzz'
Also known as
Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
Advantages
Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages
Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

The Sneak
'Who, me?'
Also known as
Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
Advantages
May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages
May be having time of his life

Ace of Hearts
'After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?'
Also known as
The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
Advantages
Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages
Perpetually aroused

The Dreamer
'Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--'
Also known as
Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
Advantages
Tells good stories
Disadvantages
Will turn into 'Old Man Grumpus'

Mr. Right
'While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?'
Also known as
Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages
Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages
Hunted to extinction