Charmin: 'Butt... Wipe... Err.'

Microsoft: 'How much are you going to pay today?'

Eggs: 'The Incredible Edible Ovum.'

MTV: 'Loud and easy to spell.'

Saks 5th Avenue: 'You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid.'

Iguana: 'The other green meat.'

Penis Enlargement Specialists: 'It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing!'

Nike: 'Just buy the damn shoes, you flabby spineless lump!'

Daisy Air Rifles: 'Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years.'

Canon Photocopiers: 'Quit calling them Xeroxes, dammit!'

Pepto Bismol: 'Squash the Squirts!'

Trojans: 'Just add meat.'

Apple Macintosh: 'Hey, we thought of it first!'

Radio Shack: 'You've got questions, we've got geek losers!'

Professional Bowling on NBC: 'Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?'