In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town

You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results
C. Five tequila slammers

You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don't miss Sportscenter

Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about.

Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience
B. The second best part of the experience
C. $100 extra

Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. No concern of yours
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym
C. A conservative estimate.

You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A Moron

Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetizer is to entree
B. Primer is to paint
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride

Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."

A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
B. Is uptight and a waste of time
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place