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Facts about Men

Men like to barbecue. Men will only cook if danger is involved.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men it pays to recycle.

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble he coaches the players from the living room and if they're really in trouble I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men love to be the first one to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow instead of a gun.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

All men hate to hear 'We need to talk about our relationship'.
These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn we will take it personally.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types. Depressing and more depressing. Men have two types. Nerdy and not nerdy.

Men have a higher body temperature than women. If your heater goes out in winter I recommend sleeping next to men. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Women take clothing more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say 'Oh my God. I'm so embarrassed. Get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo'.

Most men hate to shop. That's why men's departments are usually on the ground floor of a department store two inches from the door.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

If you're dating a man who you think might be Mr Right and he a) Got older. b) Got a new job or C) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works with cocoons and butterflies.

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he was Cary Grant.

When four or more men get together they talk about sport.
When four or more women get together they talk about men.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has even seen the movie 'The way we were' twice, voluntarily.

Most women are introspective. 'Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?' Most men are outrospective. 'Did my team win? How is my car?'

If a man says 'I'll call you' and he doesn't, he didn't forget ... he didn't lose your number ... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him 'Are we going to have sex again?' He said 'Yes, but not with each other'.

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. 'Get out' and 'I never want to see you again' might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying 'I love you ... I want to marry you ... I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Men are self confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes.

Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain eight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything. Women remember everything.
That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
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