On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
We're #1 in the #2 business.

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

At a Proctologist's door
To expedite your visit please back in.

On a Plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.

On a Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..

Pizza Shop Slogan:
7 days without pizza makes one weak.

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
Hello. Can we pick your nose?

At a Towing company:
We don 't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.

On an Electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.

In a Nonsmoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push.

At an Optometrist's Office
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.

In a Podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels.

On a Fence:
Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.

At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

At the Electric Company:
We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be.

In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully. We'll wait.

In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In a classified ad:
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center

On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.

Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.

In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?

In a classified ad:
Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.