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Traffic Cones

Conus Standardii
The standard cone. The right height. The right color. The right use. Seen everywhere. Common as muck.
Its bright orange color makes it a target for all the thieving types who want to start a cone collection.
Can be stored indefinitely in your backyard.

Conus Smurphei
Similar in shape to Conus Standardii, but from the world of smurphs.
Not bright enough to use at night. Too much like the sky when used on a nice day.
A rare cone, it was thought to be extinct in the mid 70's due to a mis-belief that when boiled down it would release its own weight in gold.
Its proliferation from this era has never recovered.

Conus Afrikaans
This sub-species was thought to be extinct until this rare black cone was recently rediscovered.
Juveniles of this cone are thought to be bright yellow, the coloring fading to a blackish-gray as the adult years are thrust upon it.
When approached, the adult of Conus Afrikaans emits a distinctive buzzing sound.

Conus Whiffleus
The diminutive size of this cone has afforded it the affectionate nickname, 'Chihuahua Cone'.
Evolution has caused this cone to develop special slits called "whiffle ways" to keep its delicate frame from being knocked over in high winds.
Unfortunately these "whiffle ways" do not protect it from maurading stag night crowds.
There are few wild Whiffle Cones left today, as they are popular pets, and easily domesticated.

Conus Stripeus Minor
The lesser striped traffic cone is a relatively new sub-species.
Specifically bred to afford the visibility of Conus Standardii along with the highly visible double striping.
Generally only found in silver, this cone does not make a good pet as it travels in packs and can be seen marauding down highways in a single straight line.

Conus Florapedis
The Southern Petal Cone, so named for its large flower like foot, or is that foot like flower? No. Flower life foot.
It is a rare and uncommon cone and can rarely be found outside of 60's retro parties.
Swiped / stolen for its attractive foot, the Southern Petal Cone is swiftly beheaded and its foot used to decorate bathroom walls and shower floors.

Conus Major
Unlike its smaller cousin, Conus Stripeus Minor, the Big Cone, does not travel in packs, preferring the solitary life in subway stations.
Standing at a massive 6 feet tall, this cone will dwarf any and all that pass its way.
Furthermore, being so massive, it requires assistance when moving, so can be grafted onto the back of any trolley handy.

Conus Warningus
The dangerous and deadly 'Warning Cone' should be approached and handled with extreme caution. Unlike its lesser dangerous cousin Conus Black Footii, the Warning Cone will attack without provocation.
It is differentiated from its lesser cousin by the nemonic 'Orange Foot Around, Death Abounds, No Foot in Sight, All is Right'.

Conus Black Footii
This dangerous cone will only attack should you not heed its warning.
It loves to display itself, placing itself prominently and permanently around and near trenches and workmen's holes.
You'd better pay attention to this guy or you end up in the ditch with your arse over pitch.

Conus Purpleii
Known quaintly as the Indigo Cone, its use is restricted to kids parties.
It has no ability to bring anything to your attention.
Conus Purpleii owes its existence to a minor mix up at the manufacturer whereby 1,000 litres of purple paint was ordered in error on a 'no returns policy' day.
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