My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done - If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning

My mother taught me Religion - You better pray that will come out of the carpet

My mother taught me about Time Travel - If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!

My mother taught me Logic - Because I said so, that’s why

My mother taught me Foresight - Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident

My mother taught me Irony - Keep laughing and I’ll give you something to cry about

My mother taught me about the science of Osmosis - Shut your mouth and eat your supper!

My mother taught me about Contortionism - Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!

My mother taught me about Stamina - You’ll sit there ‘till all that spinach is finished

My mother taught me about Hypocrisy - If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times - Don’t Exaggerate!

My mother taught me the Circle of Life - I brought you into this world, and I can take you out

My mother taught me about Behaviour Modification - Stop acting like your father

My mother taught me about envy - There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!